Top 50+ Amazing Sarcastic Quotes
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. – Joey Adams
There are some people who come in your life pretending that they love you only because they need you. – Uzair Lallmamod
I don’t believe in plastic surgery, But in your case, Go ahead.
Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. – Ambrose Bierce
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better. – Rita Rudner
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. – Anonymous
People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world!
Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. – Gordon Dickson
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. – Ashleigh Brilliant
For me and my entire generation, we took on this kind of sarcastic, ironic, snarkiness because it seemed the most extreme reaction to the earnestness of hippies. – Chuck Palahniuk
If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out. – Anonymous
If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin’ eagles. – Ryan Lilly
We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.
I don’t believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage. – Noel Coward
Violence won’t solve anything…But it sure makes me feel good.
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. – John Erskine
If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
I did not know what happiness is until I married, but then it was too late for me.
You shouldn’t compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think.
It pains me to admit this, but Roger was a good sight less stupid than most children. – Heidi Schulz
The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too. – Anton Pavlovich Chekhov
I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.
Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.
Our congressmen are the best sort of citizens, bought only with money. – Morey Amsterdam
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Unalloyed Joy of Life has become a trademark; starting from the day, when the world economy has come to a standstill. – Kristian Goldmund Aumann
He has a character of dog, except for loyalty. – Sam Houston
I’ve learned that I need to spell out, even in cases seemingly so blatant, that in fact I am not taking this at face value and am being ‘sarcastic.’ – James Fallows
If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.
Ministers fall down like sandwiches, usually with the best side up. – Karl Ludwig Boerne
A careful driver is one who honks his horn when he goes through a red light.
Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
If the producer is so stupid that offers me a million dollars for the film, I’m not so stupid to refuse him. – Elizabeth Taylor
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead. – Jess C. Scott, Rockstar
A human prefers to be a slave because gaining freedom is always difficult. – Nikolai Berdyaev
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them. – Samuel Butler
Never argue with a fool, people may not notice the difference between you both.
If winners never quit and quitters never win then who came up with the saying ‘quit while you’re ahead’
You have no one to blame but yourself…Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him.
God made mountains, God made trees, God made Mcgee, but we all make mistakes!.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
My door is Always open, so feel free to leave.
A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as it nothing had happened. – Winston Churchill
Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
Love at first sight is the most common eye disease.
Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, and the highest form of intelligence.
Going to temple/church/mosque doesn’t make you a human, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Time flies when I’m with you… Well, it’s because I zone out mostly.
Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense
My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney’s sarcastic black maid. We could call it ‘Mammy & Me’. – Natasha Leggero